This is a purely pragmatic post I’m trying to write here. I don’t mean any offense to the guy I talked to today. I know he didn’t mean anything bad and didn’t know any of this stuff. He was perfectly nice to me and had no way of knowing what was going on. Etc.
If you recognize me in public. And you don’t know me. (Knowing me online counts, as in interacting with me a fair bit on blogs and lists and stuff. That’s fine. That’s knowing me for these purposes.) There are some things you might want to know before you decide to strike up a conversation.
Today was one of two days this month I’ve been outdoors for anything other than a medical appointment. I was going to the bookstore and then I needed to take care of something at the bank. The reason I haven’t been able to go out much is the grass pollen, which is my most severe allergy, and I’m still not fully back to normal from the last asthma mess. (That’s why, if I’m outdoors, you’re likely to see a pollen mask on me, although I take it off indoors.) As in, I haven’t even crossed into the mild range of asthma yet, although I’m getting better.
I can only go out when there are staff with me. Staff come in shifts at certain hours. The morning shift ends at 12:30.
I was on my way out of the bookstore around 11:30 when someone saw me, said he’d seen me on TV, and struck up a conversation. I have a very hard time getting out of conversations. I wish my staff had been there. She wasn’t there that moment because she was going outside for something. I had no way of contacting her. When I’m concentrating on talking to someone I have a really hard time simultaneously figuring out how to stop talking to someone and why to stop talking to someone (or why to do anything for that matter). It took everything I had to get out of the conversation half an hour later.
Half an hour later it was too late for my staff to take me to the bank. It was also too late for her to wash my pollen mask, a task which had to be moved to the next shift, and depending on how long it takes to dry it might affect my ability to go out to a planned event tomorrow.
I am not trying to be unfriendly. I am not trying to imply that anyone who has done this to me has caused all these things on purpose. But please be aware that if I’m out lately, I’m out on a time schedule, that the amount I have to go out affects my health in various ways, etc. So I might make an exception if I already know the person (the same way most people would make some exceptions, even ones that change their plans or health, for unexpected friends, including online friends), but if I don’t know you already, then getting to know you right then isn’t going to be the best time. And that since I have a really hard time disentangling myself from conversations (because of the amount of attention the conversation itself takes), it’s probably better not to start one unless you’re going to introduce yourself as someone I already know or something, because staying in a conversation with you for half an hour doesn’t mean I want to, it just means I’m doing what I think I have to, which is come up with new things to say in response to whatever I can parse out of what you’re saying (and I am likely parsing far less of what you’re saying than it might sound like, I’m very good at sounding like I know what people are talking about when I don’t).
And (probably obviously) this doesn’t apply to social events or conferences where the point is partly to meet new people. And unfortunately probably most of the people likely to do this to me have not read this blog. But I thought it was worth mentioning in case anyone runs into me in a store or something (this sort of thing has now happened more than once, including while trying to visit and advocate for a friend in the emergency room, although in that case the friend was recognized too I think so that got interesting).