Daily Archives: March 17, 2007

How to make a phone call, in 70 easy steps.


This is one of those archive posts I do now and then. From 2001:

How to make a phone call, in 70 easy steps (or, why it takes me so long to get anything done around here) :-)

1. While sitting at the computer, realize that you have to make a phone call.

2. Continue to read the document you were reading on the computer.

3. Eventually, remember the phone call long enough to get up.

4. Stand up.

5. Go into the kitchen, since the phone number is on the refrigerator door.

6. Stare at the refrigerator door for awhile and the orange slip of paper on which the phone number is located.

7. Congratulate yourself for remembering to look at the slip of paper.

8. Open the refrigerator.

9. Stare inside the refrigerator for a few minutes.

10. Close the refrigerator.

11. Go back to the computer.

12. Sit down.

13. Stare at the monitor for a bit.

14. Realize you were trying to make a phone call.

15. Stand up.

16. Go into the bathroom.

17. Use the toilet.

18. Wash hands.

19. Congratulate yourself on remembering to wash your hands while wondering how you got soap on the mirror.

20. Go back to the computer.

21. Sit down.

22. Realize you’re supposed to be making a phone call.

23. Stand up.

24. Sit down on the couch next to the phone.

25. Stare at the phone for awhile.

26. Realize that the computer’s still connected to the net.

27. Stand up.

28. Go back to the computer.

29. Sit down.

30. Tell the computer to hang up.

31. Stand up.

32. Go back to the phone.

33. Sit down on the couch.

34. Congratulate yourself on having actually looked at the slip of paper with the phone number on it.

35. Connect LINK to phone line.

36. Adjust LINK volume.

37. Put on headset.

38. Pick up receiver.

39. Hear dial tone.

40. Wonder if computer is still connected to the phone line.

41. Process dial tone.

42. Hang up the phone.

43. Stand up.

44. Go back to the computer.

45. Realize that you already hung up the modem.

46. Go back to the couch.

47. Sit down.

48. Put on headset.

49. Pick up receiver.

50. Hear dial tone, and process it this time.

51. Stick fingers on keypad.

52. Notice that while you stared in the general direction of the orange paper you were so happy at having looked at, you did not read the telephone number.

53. Think about going back to the refrigerator to get the number.

54. Space out for a few minutes.

55. Stand up.

56. Go to the refrigerator.

57. Grab the orange piece of paper.

58. Take the orange piece of paper back to the phone.

59. Sit down next to the phone.

60. Put on headset.

61. Pick up receiver.

62. Look at paper.

63. Notice that there are two separate numbers on the paper.

64. Figure out that the bottom number is the one you want.

65. Read the number.

66. Put fingers on keypad.

67. Look back at paper.

68. Look back at keypad.

69. Dial number.

70. Get busy signal.

(Then by the time I typed that into the computer, the person I had been trying to call showed up at the door.)