Important (if disgusting) body awareness milestones…


Warning, this post discusses crap. Literally, crap. But it’s not very graphic about the crap itself. I’m going to split the post anyway so that those who do not want to listen to me be excited that I can now (as opposed to in the past) detect the warning signs of impacted stools before they happen.

I’ve had intestinal blockages and near-blockages in the past. I never felt anything. As in, I got to the point of vomiting, and had a “pregnant-looking” belly as hard as a rock, but I never felt any sensations in my midsection to suggest there was anything wrong. I had both really bad body awareness, and was often not able to communicate about the vast majority of pain.

This week, I’d been feeling something really nasty there, and not knowing what. Last night, I realized what, from feeling the hard-as-a-rock belly feeling. And realized that the sensations I was experiencing were pain (note: “pain” to me is one word encompassing so many different things that I’ve never been able to figure them all out, so this is one more added to the list for me). And that they were connected to something that could turn serious.

And… I actually managed to pass the stool last night. I had to stay up all night and use a good deal of tricks, but I managed to pass it… and then everything that had been stuck behind it.

This may sound like discussing the disgusting for its own sake, but this is seriously an important thing for me. I think I’ll be able to from now on take steps to stop it even before the point it got to today (which was not at the emergency-level point it’s gotten to in the past). I now know what those awful sensations are, and that they’re connected to my body, and so forth.

I also know that if I’m:

  1. Not feeling like eating a lot
  2. Feeling that particular nasty sensation in that particular area (which can be hard to locate, but I think I’ve got a better clue now)
  3. Finding that my belly feels more like a rock than a belly when I press on it

Then I should probably do something. (In fact, I should probably do something at the first sign, rather than waiting, but now I’m more aware of what the first signs are, which is very useful.) And I should probably do something before it gets to the point of being so painful that I can’t sleep.

I’m noticing that for some reason I’m suddenly getting a lot of body connectedness that I didn’t have before. I can blow my nose, I can detect about-to-become-impacted crap, I can feel all sorts of things I couldn’t place before. There’s still a lot of sensations like “There’s something bad. Okay, it’s pain I guess. But where is it?” But I seem to finally be mapping a lot of them to my body. I hope the maps stay put.

About Mel Baggs

Hufflepuff. Came from the redwoods, which tell me who I am and where I belong in the world. I relate to objects as if they are alive, but as things with identities and properties all of their own, not as something human-like. Culturally I'm from a California Okie background. Crochet or otherwise create constantly, write poetry and paint when I can. Proud member of the developmental disability self-advocacy movement. I care a lot more about being a human being than I care about what categories I fit into.

9 responses »

  1. Is “Congratulations!” an appropriate thing to say?

    Since hitting my twenties, I notice I’m aware of more and more things (in my case, usually visual/spatial things, which are a “deficit” for me). It’s very sudden–as if my brain has been developing in secret and has finally let me know.

    Congratulations again.

  2. I guess congratulations make sense. Now if I can make it through today (with almost no sleep, trying to get back on a schedule, so not sleeping, etc) without losing my mind… <grin>

  3. Definately congratulations! Cool!

    Recently I’ve been finding it much easier to sequence my actions to keep my house reasonably clean and tidy. Its been reasonably tidy (by which I mean not very, but much better than it was!!) for about 6 weeks now. Before I might have one room pretty clean but the others were appalling, and trying to work out what to do about it and doing it would leave me shaking and retching (sorry… gross, but if we’re talking about crap, why not add puke to the topic? hehehe) I’d be OK if someone was there saying do this, now do this, now do this, just doing it on my own was a problem. no dx here, so it’s puzzled me why I couldnt do it.

    Cant believe I got to 27 without managing this one! Still better late than never *grin*

  4. Hi,
    I’m an occupational therapist and I work with children with autism.. I came across your site during a random internet search.. I’m working in an ABA classroom and am having a really hard time with the structure/data taking/token system environment. I feel its rough and a lot of these kids aren’t able to translate their skills to real life… What do you think? Are you autistic? I read you are 25. I’m the same age…
    Do you think sensory integration therapy works?? I’d love to communicate with you personally…

  5. I’ve had bowel trouble myself. sometimes medications can be the cause. make sure to drink water often and eat healthy food high in fiber..fruit, vegetables and high fiber cereal like bran flakes is also pretty good. this can prevent constipation before hand and if you really have trouble I have been drinking this great nutritional drink called greens plus. It has helped so much with many things but especially works giving you a healthy digestive tract. you have to be careful because if the bowel isn’t moving as often as it should then it can get rather toxic inside and cause other ailments down the road. drinking the greens + keeps me regular..increases my energy..helps anxiety and improves the immune system so that you don’t catch flues and bugs very often. a few co workers have also tried it and really found it to be great for them.
    do u have a facebook account??

  6. bethduckie: we have the same problem with housekeeping……….heh. if I move out of an area then it’s like that area never existed again after I left it until I return to it………and promptly forget to put things away, pick stuff up off the floor……unclutter my desk so I can do homework……….etc…….

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